(New) Image Magic

(If you want to know what images of Gretchen Egolf I actually have, here's a list.)

Ah, the new images, after I got a little less heavy on the gamma. The old images are here, and if you wish to skip the following index, feel free.

    Ever have one of those moments where you realized that you shouldn't have got up this morning? (Roswell episode "Surprise", 2000ish)
    You're a professor at a university and you don't understand carbon dating? And please don't try using "carbon dating" as a convenient way to make a cheap pass at me. I've killed before and don't really need much of an excuse. (Roswell episode "Skin and Bones", 2000ish)
    I see a strong resemblance: they're both pixelated. (Stolen from two different sources; click on the related text to find out more. That's all you need to know.)
    Some politicians get caught fooling around with their interns. This one gets caught fooling around by her intern. If I were a politician, I'd never have interns. I'd be resisting temptation and also less likely to be caught succumbing to it. (Roswell episode "Skin and Bones", 2000ish)
    Cute nose. And chin. And eyes, can't forget those. Ears, if we could see them. Neck, love to neck. Er, the neck. Love the neck. Neck, neck, neck. (Roswell episode "Skin and Bones", 2000ish)
    "Back to the family, a guaranteed emergency, the radical MC HP's got the melody." What, no Scooter fans in the audience? (Nicolas, mid/late 2000ish)
    Vindictive about Leap of Faith? Never! (Non-Gretchen cutesy image editing. Dartboard stolen from a Commodore 64 game, the rest from NBC.)
    With handwriting like this, she really should've become a doctor. (Jackie: An American Life Playbill autographs, late 1997/early 1998)
    I hate cobwebs. Disgusting dust-laden spider-infested clingy cobwebs. Hmm? Oh, of course I'm listening to you, honey. (Nicolas, mid/late 2000ish)
    There was a sudden leap in church attendance that week, with many praying that Nicolas was rated R and not PG-13. (Nicolas, mid/late 2000ish)
    Sorry, but the more I look at screencaps of her the more I think one of her eyes is a bit off even keel. (Nicolas, mid/late 2000ish)
    It might just the angle, but I can't help but see visions of the twigs kids use for snowman arms.... (Nicolas, mid/late 2000ish)
    Gretchen attempts to show the sort of thespian ass-kicking a Juilliard alumnus (well, "alumna" in this case) can do. (Nicolas, mid/late 2000ish)
    Just because you have an Oscar doesn't mean you can nail every scene, sparky. (Nero Wolfe: The Doorbell Rang, maybe Septemberish 2000)
    If your wife wasn't here, I'd SHOW you if it was the Hawthorne or the sin! (Quiz Show, 1994 - maybe '93. Click here if you missed the joke.)
    Forty dollars for a masterwork of abstract art? Foolish old man, your ignorance shall be your demise. (Cosby, 1997/1998)
    Yeah, I know the name "Xenia Seeberg" sounds German, but that doesn't mean you are. I have experience with German-named women, trust me. (Lexx, 2001/2002)
    It's a weapon. No, really. It won't tickle. No, it really is a weapon. Trust me. (Lexx, 2001/2002)
    Marty? I asked you for a TV gig and now I'm in Japan in an orange dress. What do you mean, "Trust me?" Marty? MARTY? (Lexx, 2001/2002)
    I know your girlfriend's right here, but come on, gimme a hug. (Cosby, 1997/1998)
    First rule of photography... never crop so as to remove part of a person's head. (Martial Law episode "Heartless", 1999/2000ish)
    Matt Damon gets pushed to the back of the line. (The Talented Mr. Ripley, 1998/1999ish)
    Only way to get some people into a dress is to have 'em act like someone else.... (Martial Law episode "My Man Sammo", 1999/2000ish)
    Teasing the fanboys. I am evil. (Martial Law episode "Final Conflict, Part 1", 1999/2000ish)
    Oh, you are such a wannabe, Dorn. I play an alien, I get to push people around with telekinesis and don't even have to change out of my heels to do it. You play an alien, you wear a prune danish on your head and get slapped around by the Borg. Bah. (Martial Law episode "No Quarter", 1999/2000ish)
    Okay, Behr, explain this one to me: We're almost the same age, in our late 20s. So why am I playing a 36-year-old fossil while you're playing a lovelorn teenager? And why's your "soulmate" over there an actress who was in diapers two decades ago? Can't explain it? I didn't think so. Careful starting your car tonight, you bastard. (Roswell episode "Skin and Bones", 2000ish)
    He's not Eminem, he just plays an M&M on stage. And he'd better get his hand off her hip or someone's gonna lose fingers. (Heaven Can Wait Opening Night, July 2ndish, 2003)
    Doesn't anyone use LANDLINES anymore? (Heaven Can Wait, Juneish, 2003)

What a way to go.
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

Entschuldigung, ich spreche kein Deutsch.
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

Let's see if my HTML abuse... ...crashes any browsers.
Where I stole the Gretchen one from, despite a big warning otherwise. (At least it's not full-size.)
Where I stole the Tristan one from, despite a big warning otherwise. (At least it's not full-size. I chopped about 1 millimeter off the top.)

For once the adults are getting more than the teens on a teen-type drama.
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

(This one's here just so you know what actor David Conrad looks like when his female co-star's neck isn't in the way.)

Those aren't massive shoulder pads. It's the camera angle.
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

Sadly, the right side of her face has been JPGized into oblivion.
(So, no gamma shots, since there's no detail to bring out. Shame.)

Holy Leap of Faith!

Squiggle.

Squiggle being intruded upon by Linda M. Larson's squiggle. (Upper right corner of the image. Check the left side of the full horror to see exactly what I mean. Hmmm. Is Gretchen just neat in her handwriting or is there a squiggle-size pecking order?:)

I'm only sitting to make you feel taller, shortass.
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

We need light dammit! And a wider angle!
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

WANTED: Cute alt tag jokes. Write to....
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

Am I the only one who's weirded out?
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

Ooh. Emoting.
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

Even with the TV interference, she looks great.
Larger version

Lip-bite, overbite, all the same at this quality.
Larger version

Actually, all this stuff is my mom's.
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Cow vs. Buick, by Prohias. Just so you can all see how a cow could become a Buick. Shame they didn't do as obvious a rotation on-camera!

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I can get away with wearing orange. I have the chest for it.
Source for the three Mason shots.

It's a weapon. So what if it looks like a sonic screwdriver from Doctor Who?

Could I speak to that wanker The Archon? Yes, I'll hold....

I'm sorry, but with her hands like this, I can only think of cheap boob jokes.
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I have killed the TNN logo. All is right with the world.
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Subtle editing - compare to the big pic.
Sort-of larger version

Think 'bad girl'. Think 'bad girl'. Bah, method acting sucks.
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(Annoying smoochy sounds.)
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Gretchen Egolf did not win the Emmy for this look, for some reason.
Larger version

My lightly-messed hair makes me look your age. Oh, wait, I am your age.
No Gamma | Too Much Gamma

What's that blue thing?

Well, she's not calling me. She's happy.

Go back! Back I say!
Go back! Back and slightly to the left!
Go back EVEN FURTHER!
Run along home.
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Images are all likely stolen, one way or another. You got a problem with that, e-mail me.

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